The antisocial event of the season

Nine Inch Nails - Ghosts animated GIF review

pigasus — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 19:32:56 GMT

ATHEISTS!!!

pigasus — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 22:23:22 GMT

pigasus — Tue, 25 Sep 2007 18:58:03 GMT

nuitblanche_bh (application/pdf, 34 KB)

Like a brick in the eye

pigasus — Sat, 27 Jan 2007 00:08:01 GMT

www.brickrestaurant.com

For dinner tonight we have a deliciously minimal winter salad with butter lettuce, endive, shaved apple under a subtle pear dressing. Then you may wish to nibble our confit buffalo wings with gorgonzola foam. For a wine, might I suggest our Tempranillo (delicate yet muscular) or, if you crave something more toothsome – the Gewurztraminer. We have a wonderful selection of desserts, but might I suggest you GO BLIND AND HAVE YOUR SENSIBILITIES AND DESIRES STUNNED LIKE CATTLE IN A SLAUGHTERHOUSE BY OUR POORLY KERNED LOGO? Bon Appetit!

Thanks drtofu!

Sorry Porter

pigasus — Mon, 08 Jan 2007 18:44:09 GMT

www.flyporter.com

I have heard good things about Porter Airlines. They have a cute and shiny new mini-terminal at the island airport here in Toronto. The word is they will soon offer flights to New York City, which is exciting for us. I thought I’d go to their website and see if there were any interesting details, and was greeted by the terrible kerning of ‘rt’ in the logo. Sorry Porter, we will fly Air Canada to NYC, even though it will be a nightmare.

Dear skywriters

pigasus — Sat, 06 Jan 2007 21:55:31 GMT

I’m sure you get training in your craft, and I understand it’s difficult, pointless work, but if you can’t skywrite with good kerning WHAT IS THE POINT? If your skywriting is badly kerned, you lose. WE ALL LOSE. Do you understand?

Is it one year or zero years?

pigasus — Thu, 09 Nov 2006 03:23:42 GMT

Where: Uh, The ROM.

Oh look, a little poster for an exhibit at The ROM! How nice! Very colourful! It looks like someone spent some time on this! I wonder who the sponsor is? OH YEAH, SENTRY SELECT.

That big colourful clowny word lures you to this layout, then you stub your toe on the word “arts”. Is it arts & crafts or art, like, you know, real art. Paper maché or painting? Sock puppets or sculpture?

Then you read THE GOTH CENTURY. No, I made that one up, although I think I might go see an exhibit of Italian goth paper maché. GET ON IT, BRAD.

Lah dee da, ho hum, reading along, reading along, everything’s fine, then BANG IN THE FACE IT SLAPS YOU.

Over 1 00 years! Over O ne H undred Y ears! Beautiful, where beautiful is a synonym for SHAME, SHAME, SHAME.

P.S. Is that the new ROM logo? Are those lowercase letters TRACKED OUT? DURR.

This Lamb Sells Condos!

pigasus — Fri, 03 Nov 2006 04:33:56 GMT

Where: Now Magazine this week.

I almost missed the terrible kerning in this ad due to the STENCH of SMUG that wafts from Brad Lamb's face. Is he saying all those things from different sides of his mouth?

If you don’t know who Brad Lamb is, listen to the song This Lamb Sells Condos! by Final Fantasy.

OK, this ad. How many tiny mistakes does it take to add up to a failure?

Let’s see!

I didn’t know there was such a thing as an EA LIGATURE. What is the keystroke for that, Brad? The headline almost says B RAD S P EAKS.
Toronto’s 1 0 Best and Worst Condominium Buildings.
Oh what a beautiful hyphen between 7 and 9 pm. EN DASH IS OPTION-HYPHEN! IT’S LONGER AND PRETTIER.
“January 2007” then A HUGE SPACE THAT MIGHT BE BIG ENOUGH TO BUILD A CONDO ON DO YOU THINK BRAD?, and then a period.
Baseline shift the @ in that email address for THE LOVE OF GOD! CAN’T YOU SEE IT POKING UP LIKE AN UNSIGHTLY WART? GET ON IT BRAD.

That’s it. Five mistakes and you fail.

WeFOOTre Fresh Obsessed!

pigasus — Fri, 03 Nov 2006 04:15:45 GMT

Where: College Park Dominion at the corner of Yonge and College.

Yeah? Well I’m FOOT MARK OBSESSED so there.

Why this awkward and out of focus picture? I wanted to show both the terrible, poorly typeset tagline that’s been manufactured as a 3D plastic thing hanging over the escalator, as well as the banner in front of the store downstairs that uses a real live apostrophe! BOOO. Wrong and inconsistent!? I hope your groceries are fresher than your signage because your signage REEKS of FAILURE.

The dreaded 416

pigasus — Thu, 02 Nov 2006 02:59:48 GMT

Where: on a TTC subway backlit.

What. The. Hell. Did. You. Do. To. That. Lowercase. L? Did you make it taller? I DIE.

Apparently itFOOTs the law to have a licence for your dog, which I don’t understand. Foot and inch marks are not apostrophes and quotation marks! Here is a little rhyme to help you remember:

Straight up and down you’re in foot mark town!
A contraction you say? Use apostrophes every day!
You want to say “Hi!” to a chum or a neighbour?
Use inch marks and everyone will think you’re an idiot!

As if that wasn’t enough, here we see the first of one million examples of the dreaded 4 1 6. The number one ALWAYS needs some kerning attention. KERN! OH GOD KERN IT.

EDIT: While you’re at it, kern in all those sinful periods!

I am richer than I thin k!

pigasus — Thu, 02 Nov 2006 02:46:52 GMT

Where: The corner of Yonge and St. Clair.

You’re richer than you thin k.®

I a m?

Hurra y!

This has to be some kind of subtle sabotage. I can’t understand how a) this wasn't picked up at the layout phase. b) somebody signed this off to the printer c) it wasn’t caught before it was installed. Do you hate eyes? Look, look at that huge space. Never mind that the space between you and thin is too small. Horrifying.

Bhea Hair's hat gheeh male doubt calm

pigasus — Sat, 15 Jul 2006 17:18:26 GMT

Dear Beth, Bryan, Brian, Blake, Bob, Betty, Bryce and Betty,

You have given out the wrong email address to so many people, it is sick.

Please read the gmail FAQ about "." and "-" being meaningless in gmail addresses.

Sincerely,

Ben Harris

FINALLY

pigasus — Wed, 05 Jul 2006 14:20:29 GMT

A real Canadian music award. I hope they televise the award ceremony. It looks like Polaris will put the Junos to shame, especially with the Junos bloated 4CD set Oh What A F E E L I N G 3 Seriously Juno, you need a typesetter. Call me.

Highlights include:

Garbage Rock!
Dan Hill - Sometimes When We Touch
The Stampeders - Sweet City Woman
Nickelback - How You Remind Me
Chad Kroeger (featuring Josey Scott) - Hero (Motion Picture Version) what is the emoticon for vomit?
The Tragically Hip - Bobcaygeon nnnnngggg
Simple Plan - Perfect
Sum 41 - Pieces
Theory Of A Deadman - Nothing Could Come Between Us
Billy Talent - Try Honesty (Radio Edit)
Finger Eleven - One Thing
Bryan Adams - Open Road

Radio Similac!
Celine Dion - A New Day Has Come our national shame
Jann Arden - Never Mind
Anne Murray - Snowbird
Paul Anka - (You're) Having My Baby
Our Lady Peace - Innocent
Matthew Good Band - Load Me Up
Sam Roberts - Brother Down
Avril Lavigne - Complicated
Barenaked Ladies - Pinch Me get back on Dr Demento
Sarah McLachlan - World On Fire
Diana Krall - The Look Of Love
Michael Bublé - Can't Help Falling In Love
Holly Cole - Something Cool

One Hit Wonders!
Terry Jacks - Seasons In The Sun
Nelly Furtado - I'm Like A Bird
Jacksoul - Can't Stop [was this a hit?]
Keshia Chanté - Bad Boy (Radio Mix)
Remy Shand - Take A Message
David Usher - Black Black Heart take singing lessons
Matt Dusk - Two Shots Of Happy, One Shot Of Sad remember that casino reality show? That's why he's here?
Amanda Marshall - Everybody's Got A Story (Radio Remix)

Plus: Token Regional Content!
Marie-Elaine Thibert - Le ciel est à moii
Susan Aglukark - Big Feeling
The Rankins - Bells
The Wilkinsons - Jimmy's Got A Girlfriend
Jesse Cook - Fall At Your Feet
Great Big Sea - Consequence Free

(plus some songs I either don't mind or actually like):
Bruce Cockburn - One Day I Walk
Sloan - If It Feels Good Do It (Radio Edit 1)
Broken Social Scene - Cause = Time
Hawksley Workman - Jealous Of Your Cigarette
Alexisonfire - Pulmonary Archery
Feist - Gatekeeper
k-os - Crabbuckit
Rufus Wainwright - Cigarettes & Chocolate Milk
Sarah Harmer - Basement Apartment
Ron Sexsmith - Whatever It Takes

Are we hovving fon yeah att?

pigasus — Sat, 01 Jul 2006 03:44:29 GMT

Chad Kroeger arrested for drunk driving. I hate his garbage rock.

pigasus — Mon, 19 Jun 2006 17:55:28 GMT

pigasus — Fri, 09 Jun 2006 23:32:39 GMT

Serious Fun

pigasus — Sun, 28 May 2006 17:59:44 GMT

Getting your hair cut by a sixth grader.

Happy Anniversary!

pigasus — Sun, 21 May 2006 15:37:14 GMT

One year ago today the most wonderful woman in the world and I fancied ourselves up and went to city hall to get married. I love her so dearly. The last year has been superb.

I get it, Charles Barkley!

pigasus — Wed, 10 May 2006 14:47:09 GMT

Tom Scharpling name checked me pretty hard last night on WFMU. He played a Gnarls Barkley song (Crazy) while I was on the chat room that he watches while broadcasting. I typed "Aargh! Gnarls Barkley!" which is the correct response, and he said "some guy in the chat is mad that I played Gnarls Barkley. You're gonna be hearing that song all summer buddy."

Where will I hear this song? On the radio that I never listen to? I might hear it coming out of a car window in my neighbourhood it three years, judging by what's on heavy rotation in the pimped '87 Civic hatchbacks of Little Italy.

I'll admit I judged the Gnarls Barkley book by its cover when I saw the press photos and heard who was involved. So I got the album and listened to it (something I would not have done in my mid-twenties. I would have just dismissed it. [blog about growing up and maturity later])

There are parts that are so annoying and also parts that make my balls shiver for the awesomeness. Cee-lo is an amazing singer. I'll admit the construction of the songs is mind-blowing. The low-fi vinyl scratching sounds are meticulously placed by a cold, dead digital god. Was each scratch and damaged *CLICK* placed by hand, or did you just sample three minutes from a sound effects OCD...uh CD?

This style of music is so heavily borrowed from so many other styles of music as well as specific songs, it comes off as a collage. More than this, it demands of you a specific musical knowledge that goes past certain genres or even certain songs, down to certain beats or samples in certain songs.

I understand the appeal of Gnarls Barkley. It's fun. In fact, I like fun music, I swear to god. I liked Hey Ya by Outkast for a few months, but oh holy god did that song turn like milk. I fear the same fate for Gnarls Barkley.

My solo project Barls Charkley, however, is nearly ready to be released. I'm just adding a little more timelessness.

Toronto Marijuana March

pigasus — Sun, 07 May 2006 00:09:41 GMT

Today we had the misfortune of riding our bikes through Queen's Park while the Marijuana March people were hanging around. What a nightmare. "hemp culture" from horizon to horizon. Kids from the suburbs rolling phat philly bluntz. Doors t-shirts with the sales tags still attached. So much dirty hair. The stench. Oh god the stench.

Look at the parade route. It's 1.5 km! They walked around the block for their drug! What an astounding commitment to a cause! They must have been tired after that hike, because I sure saw alot of people lying on the ground.

There was a free oxygen tent with a huge line-up. A guy had a megaphone yelling "DO NOT SMOKE AROUND THE OXYGEN TANKS! DO NOT SMOKE AROUND THE OXYGEN TANKS!"

Trendwatchignoring

pigasus — Fri, 05 May 2006 14:08:59 GMT

Trendwatching calls them trends, but I like to call them the ugliest words in the world. "Snobmoddities"....jesus.

Where do rollerbladers go?

pigasus — Wed, 03 May 2006 19:01:55 GMT

Last week I saw a rollerblader skating down the middle of the car lane. She stopped at a traffic light and yelled at a cabbie "DID YOU SEE ME? NO? OK BUDDY!" As the light turned green she skated in front of the cab, very VERY annoyingly.

Where the hell should they be? What is the law?
____________

LATER THAT DAY

There is a by-law in Toronto stating you can't "Ride or stand on any skateboard, roller skate or roller blade." in a public square. There doesn't seem to be anything about riding bikes or roller blading on the sidewalk. BLAST!

Frutiger black sheep

pigasus — Wed, 03 May 2006 18:08:35 GMT

The ugliest character in Frutiger black is the lower case e.

It's your bucktoothed drunk uncle!

Neil Young

pigasus — Wed, 03 May 2006 14:02:35 GMT

I've always disliked Neil Young's music. I think his voice sounds like Ethel Merman through a tin can telephone. He doesn't sing – he exhales as much as possible and does a cartoon voice. His new protest album might be ok, but only because it sounds like Frank Black and the Catholics. Oh yeah and the anti-war stuff. I guess he can still yell "Don't need no more lies!" pretty well.

Probably the coolest guy in the neighbourhood

pigasus — Tue, 02 May 2006 23:15:48 GMT